Is The Love You Take Equal to the Love You Make
by John Flores
So for the past 12 months I’ve been in a relationship with the most amazing girl. I’ve been pretty much single for the last half of my 20’s and the first half of my 30’s. I had dated here and there but things just never seemed to click for one reason or another. Then Bri came along. On the outside, she’s tall, blonde, blue eyes and just absolutely beautiful. On the inside, though, she’s so much more. She’s a hard working mother, a loving daughter, an amazing sister, an animal rescuer and now she’s a patient girlfriend.
I say patient because I’ve learned over the past 12 months learning how to love her. For most of the past year, we have had countless great times and made unforgettable memories but I know there’s also been times I’ve left her confused and uncertain. It’s never been intentional but I had to learn how to love her. And as much as we love and respect each other, our views of being loved are different. I found myself showing her my love the way I would want someone to show me. The problem with that is, that’s me, not her. So when she would be confused I would find myself wondering why because this is the girl of my dreams, I would never want to confuse her. However, I would still find myself doing the same things based on how I would people to do it for ME. Now I would find myself frustrated because I was only seeing things from my side. Even though what I was doing was coming from a good place, I was still not getting the results I wanted and all I was seeing was her feeling frustrated or upset. I was seeing the outcome; I wasn’t seeing what I was doing that was leading up to that.
This led me to two choices, I could continue to be who I was and do the things I was used to doing and risk losing the girl I’ve been waiting all my life for or I could take the time to listen and pay attention to the things she was trying to communicate to me and make our relationship work.
She made it very clear from the start that she did not want to change me and at first that’s how I felt. But once I stepped out of my own selfish world and looked at the big picture I realized I wasn’t necessarily changing me but I was doing things differently to make her happy. If I wanted the relationship, I must also accept the responsibility.
What makes me happy does not always equate into what makes her happy. I had to learn that. Yes, we both love dogs and we share that passion but that has nothing to do with “us”. And if she’s telling me what she wants from me and I continue to not listen and leave her confused and uncertain then what’s that say about me. She had certainly done everything to make ME happy. How could I be so selfish to think that it ends there?
But she stuck with me. She’s still here. WE are still here…together. And because I’m a man, I will find ways to frustrate her. I know things will never be perfect, no relationship is but she’s definitely worth it. I don’t want to experience life without her by my side and even though I may mess up from time to time I will always do whatever it takes to make sure she’s receiving love the way she needs to.
Happy anniversary, Bri. I love you more than you could ever know. Thank you for loving me, loving our dogs, choosing me to be in your family with your daughter and most of all thank you for being patient with me. I’m excited for the future…together.
Ps…if you’re wondering what this has to do with dogs or animal rescue, maybe you need to read it again A man by the name of Linn Boyke once told me, “everything is the same, it’s just different.”
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That’s great! I just saw a gentlemen on the Steve Harvey show. His logic was we all love, yet we need to love the person how they want love, not how we want love! Seems you figured it out! Happy anniversary!
Yup…you did it again…i love your blogs, this one shows your human side John…it’s the best side of you. And that is cuz Bri brings it out in you. If you want to learn more about how to love others that don’t love the same way that you do, look up The 5 love languages. Google it, read it, embrace it. It will do wonders. It will teach you how you and others interpret love. But keep what you’re doing, you’re learning, you’re loving and you’re living the life you’re meant to, with Bri. May you two have many more wonderful years together!
I always said you were amazing….
Ahhh words of affirmation must be her love language. Nice job!!!
My parents, who’ve been married happily for 58 years always told me “True love takes hard work” and Briana & John you’ve definitely found true love! If people are wondering why it’s on your dog blog well it’s simple “Communication, understanding, respect and love are all the same whether you’re dealing with a dog, a child or your life partner. All these things need to come into place to have harmony in a relationship no matter who’s it with!” You’re my 3rd favorite couple, next to my parents & mine of course 😉 because your love for one another is not just obvious it’s beautiful example of what love really is. Having been a single parent, it’s so important to teach our daughters that just because something didn’t work out in the past you need to let go and focus on the future and you’ll find true love when it’s right, so be patient. Thank you John and Briana for always sharing your wonderful journey with us all! We love you both!
This is really sweet and what a lot of people just don’t get. “Caring” is a key word. You care about her so although you may not have gotten it right to start, or you may not think X is important or you would do X a different way, because she asked, you try, you do. I’m divorced precisely because I’d tell my then-husband something hurt me or something I’d really like or appreciate and he wouldn’t ever do it. It was almost like a stubborn, power trip, child thing; because I asked, he wouldn’t do. Not the way to succeed in a relationship. And a two way street I might add. Anyway, super happy for you! And, if interested, try reading a bit about Gottman. He and his wife did some really interesting research on relationships, starting with studying newlyweds and how they speak to each other, interact. I think their theories are the foundation for relationships. Love seeing the human side of half of the awesome dog rescuing duo! Cheers!
Beautifully said.
Ummmm, could you please do a class on ” Husband psychology” and invite mine?
Great post John… Always talking from your heart????