Knuckles Has Been On My Mind All Weekend…

by John Flores

Knuckles has been on my mind all weekend. I’ve cried a lot and it’s affected my whole mood. While I’m not one to stay too down on myself, I also can’t help how I feel. I do believe that a lot of my sadness stems from guilt. I know I’m not feeling sorry for myself but maybe after reading this you will understand why I’m feeling the way I am…

You know, when I first started with Priceless Pets, all I wanted to do was walk the dogs. Things quickly escalated and I became part of the Pittie Crew. I remember that feeling. It was awesome. I wanted to work with every dog (especially the pitties) and do everything I could to get involved. And that’s exactly what I did, I was at the Orphanage at least a few times a week working with my “project pit”. As time went on, I started getting more and more involved; evaluating dogs, pulling dogs from the pound, and of course, fostering. I even started a blog based on my dogs and animal rescue! And even though I loved every second of it, the time I spent at, Priceless Pets, decreased. The pitties I pulled and evaluated got their pictures taken and a blog post that either made you smile or cry. Most of them would even get a trip to, Pup’s Parlor, for a spa day. However, unless they were one of my fosters, that’s about all they got. Just like the way we treat most things we “care about”, we’re “all in” at the beginning and then we expect all of our work to just carry the whole relationship without maintaining it.

And while some of you will argue that I have my hands full with my own dogs and fosters, it’s actually not that bad because I have a system here that works. For the most part, everyone is happy here, because I maintain the relationship here. And the truth is, it runs so well over here I can afford to leave here for at least an hour or two to work with the pups at Priceless Pets. It shouldn’t have to take a dog being sick, depressed or injured for me to fit them in my “schedule”. This is especially is true for the dogs I personally pull. I can do more. And I am.

I have so much guilt inside from Knuckles. Not because he passed away but because I honestly feel like I didn’t do enough do get him adopted. Knuckles would have gotten sick no matter what but maybe if I spent a couple hours out of my week with him while he was healthy and brought him places and marketed him more, MAYBE he would have found home. Or maybe he wouldn’t have, but one thing is for sure, nobody accomplishes anything by doing nothing.

I think I’m busier in my own mind than I actually am in real life. I’ve always been like this. I waited for grades to get bad only to bust my ass to get them back to A’s. I’ve waited until I’ve almost been fired from jobs to start showing my boss how successful I can be. I’ve had staredowns with the “check engine” light until that $200 problem turned into a $2000 problem. I’ve waited until the girl leaves me until I realize I haven’t been paying attention to her like I used to. I realize life happens and there are things that happen that are out of our control but nothing saves a relationship like maintaining one. I’m not sure why us humans wait for everything to get critical before we act. We maintain our DVRs better than we do our personal relationships.

I will be spending more time at Priceless Pets working with their “hard to place” dogs. I have Penny and Elvis here lying at my feet as I write this and EVERY dog deserves this. I understand that spending more time there won’t guarantee anything but I know that spending less time there will guarantee nothing. I didn’t become involved in animal rescue for my convenience. I did it to saves lives and make a difference. And while my love for Knuckles never wavered, I also understand that “love” doesn’t save anything by itself. “Love” is only effective when combined with dedication and hard work. I’m very disappointed in myself that it took Knuckles’ passing for me to feel this way and the only way I can honor him is to do more and try harder.

John Flores

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